Sunday, February 1, 2015

weird dreaming patterns

I have three types of reoccuring dreams (well... dream components) that crop up a lot:

The 'powers don't work' dream- I have some kind of ability or talent- often flying. Sometimes I can sing. Sometimes I can shoot lightening out of my hands. Sometimes I can shapeshift. But I can't get it to work. Like, I'll know with absolute certianty that I can do whatever it is, I remember doing it and I remember how, I just... can't. I can't get off the ground. I point my finger and nothing happens. I stay extremely me-shaped.

The 'almost' dream- These are when something amazing is about to happen, but never quite does. I'm about to go on the best vacation of my life, but first I have to pack. And I keep having 'just one more thing' that I need to do before I leave. I'm about to meet someone I've always wanted to meet. I'm about to get a ton of money. I'm about to accomplish something. The anticipation lasts for the entire dream, and it's always just on the verge of happening. But I have never had a dream in which I actually achieved what I wanted. The weirdest part is that I'm never pessimistic in these dreams, I truly, honestly believe that I'm going to get whatever it is. I'm excited, I'm cheerful. These are really hard to wake up from, since I keep hitting snooze going "well maybe if I sleep just a bit longer I'll get it".

The chewing gum dream- OK, so this one is a little different from the last two, it's a lot more specific. I have a piece of chewing gum in my mouth, and no matter what I do I can't spit it out. Like I'll get some of it but then I'll find more stuck behind my teeth or under my tongue, or in my gums, it just never goes away, no matter how hard I try to get rid of it. I remember the first time I had this one, I was about ten years old, and it was actually not gum, it was something way worse. But ever since then it's been gum. I don't know why, but these dreams are really stressful. Like it seems mundane but I wakeup and I'll be anxious and sweating like I've just had a nightmare. I don't chew gum in reality anymore, it makes me anxious.

This one I really wonder about, like is there some kind of suppressed memory that's surfacing? Is the gum symbolic? IT MAKES NO SENSE.

okay so this sat in my drafts for a while and right before i published it i googled it and apparently a lot of people have this weirdly specific dream? I AM FURTHER WEIRDED OUT NOW. some people interpret them as needing to express something important and not being able to, but i can't think of anything like that happening in correlation with those dreams. but idk they tend to blur together so it could be related to that. that just doesn't feel like a very 'me' thing to stress about. sure, i can't come out to my parents ever (either as chiloni or as queer) but i've more or less made peace with that aspect of my life. so i continue to be confused.

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